Friday, February 20, 2009'♥
finally, saturday is tml, tml is saturday, which mins saturday is coming very soon. which makes jasmine very very happy. BECOZ daddy mummy are coming to kl tml! weee! i just cant wait. hiaks.
anyway, i hv oni 21 days left, and 2 systems to read up. can die u noe! sighs. studying hard is easy, remembering wad u've studied is super damn gila hard! n tt is wad tt is killing me right now. n respiratory system rily sux lar! sighs sighs sighs n SIGHS!
was in esther's house just now. cooked for ourselves a v not so nice spaghetti, den watch a lil tv for relaxation ( which i fell asleep in the middle of the drama) hehe.. n i proudly brought my bag to esther's house, thinking tt we will study. haha. who noes i was sleeping most of the time, n den lufing with esther another half of the time.^^
me says: " eh, how to do percussion o??? i dono how ler..!!"
esther say:" come i teach u, v easy wan.. den she point to my clavicle ( shoulder) n said u put ur finger at the MASTOID! ( which is somewhere near the ear) .. "
den we started lufing like siao =D
anyway, just started respi this week, n i came down with flu.. =.=
thanks god i din get heart attack during CVS =.= hiaks..
n ya.. tml is SATURDAY! hahaha.. bleh!!!
daddy mummy fai di come.. XD
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10:08 PM |
Wednesday, February 18, 2009'♥
oh damn, i just cant study today...!!! i've been staring at the same note for like the past 2 hours.. gah!! nothing just seems to enter the brain. slap me sombody ! anyway.. i just cant wait for sat to come. becos. daddy mummy is coming to kl. hiaks! though i just saw dad last week, STIL m excited!!! YAY!!! n can tml b sat? =p
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11:44 PM |
Sunday, February 08, 2009'♥
This is a picture where i come across almost everyday in my life. ( cos its in my house ma >.<) since i was very young, it already existed. sometimes its just so true that we tend to neglect things or ppl that are owaz around you. having this picture in my house, obviously i've read the poem umpteen times. but it just nv crossed my mind that it will b applicable in my life.
having being so stressful for the past week, having some kind of trouble handling life, breaking down almost all the time when m alone. i've finally found that i was foolish enuf to not to turn to the one who is in control of my life, the One who is almighty, the Lord God who nv left me.
like i said, we tend to forget the ppl who r the closest to u. being stressed up with studies, i neglected my time with God. now i rily understand how hard is it to handle everything just on ur own. phil 4: 13 says that " i can do all things thru him who strengthens me." how could i forget about this??? since i did not sought strength from him, how m a able to do things well?? every human has his/her limits. i rily agree that we canot handle every single thing in our lives by ourselves.
i totally realised my mistake. everything that happens in my life comes with a purpose. i believe that God has given me this trial to remind me, that i nid him in my life. initially i tot that its hard, i cant just let go of everything. i tried to manage things on my own. i studied omoz all the time, tried my best to read up extra info just to make myself belief that i can do it. but all this effort was useless.. it only makes me even more exhausted, even more stressful. i couldnt help but blame myself for being useless. i was so tired tt i notice changes in myself. i've become anti-social ( mayb not to some of my fwens), i refuse to just let it go. i had too much pride. i kept thinking that i can do it. but the fact is, i cant.
never in my life, i've met with such prob. my studies was nv bad, i nv had prob studying, keeping up with sch work. i've nv gotten bad results b4. i just cant believe that i canot manage such simple hurdle in my life. i refuse to confide to the lord.( that was just so foolish!) until yesterday when i saw the footprints in my church members house, den oni i realise i've neglected God too much til i forgot bout his promises n his power to do anything! the last part of the poem hits me :
" The Lord says:" my precious child, i love u and would never leave u. During ur times of trial n suffering, when u see only one set of footprints, it was den that i carried u."
this was so powerful that i finally for once felt hope. God was owaz there for me, carrying me thru this. how silly was I! God created me, he has plans for me, he understands me more than anybody, loves me more den anyone in this world, how would he leave me alone to face with all this? he noes wad is my limits, he nv put trials that r too hard for us to handle. the only way is to submit to God. each trial given by God is to make us lean closer to him, not further. i've owaz knew bout this but nv tried to apply it. i can easily console ppl with 1 Pet 5:7" cast all ur anxiety on him for he cares for u" yet i cant do it myself.
after praying to God, apologizing for the huge mistake i've done ever in my life, i've decided to stand up once again. for i noe tt if its God's will for me to b here. he will carry me through all odds. so yup! Jasmine is back =D ! life doesnt sux after all =)
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6:36 PM |
Monday, February 02, 2009'♥
i dono wad m feeling rite now??
i feel depressed, i feel unhappy, i feel horrible...
i just feel so awful.. for no reason...
i feel useless.. i feel m lousy.. all the negative part of me just keeps coming into my head..
i just keep thinking that i may not make it.. i may not have wad it takes to become a doctor..
sometimes i just feel like giving up, feel like giving up everything that i hv..
i m not myself anymore... m pessimistic..
i nv felt this before in my life..
mayb m stressed up, mayb i canot handle stuffs that are in my life right now.
sighs.. God pls help me..
i wanna stop being lidat..
but i just cant..
i cant control the head..
m like falling apart..
wondering how to handle things now..
m facing the biggest hurdle in my life.. ( so far)
exam is on the 13th mac.. !!!!
sighs..
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